Be Like

whenever there is something related to family, my reactions are mostly tears.
I realized that there is no perfect family.
I know that my family is not perfect.
There were a lot of pains from the past.
I couldn't change it. I couldn't forget it. I couldn't pretend that I don't know.
Pain(s). Yes.

From my side, the happy side from the past is covered by the sadness. By my fears also.
From what people say, I got a trauma by the past.

Sometimes, I want to be like the other families.
They watch movies in cinema. They have a meal at restaurant. They travel to a beautiful places and collect a lot of photos. Weekend is the time for hanging out.

Sometimes. I mean, a lot of times.

I want to be like the other daughters.
Be close with their fathers. Be loved by older brother.

I sometimes wish that I were not my self right now.

I know that a lot of people also sometimes have the same wish as mine.
in the end, I know that is impossible.

I need to face the life. No matter how hard it is.
Bible says,

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philipians 4:13, KJV)

I know. I know that God will not let me in such a situation unless He knows that I can face through it. It makes me wait. I am waiting of the end of the situation.Maybe, I am still strong enough to face it.

So, what?
I don't want to be such a hypocrite by saying that I am okay.
But I did. I said I am okay.

Well..
I pray that my family becomes family like when I was child. But it is nonsense.
I might be don't know what was happening at that time while I could smile happily.

Now that I grow, I know everything has its own problem.
Dreaming is not enough. What should I do then?
I don't know..

I have made a stereotype of happy family.
Well, still I want to be like them. The one which I categorized as happy family.

A THOUGHT.

Tiara