First ----

第一次
第一天
为了跟好的未来。
这个世界给了很特别的傍法

我大学还没比约克市可以找到一个工作了。
水染当时牺牲而已，这是也很好的机会。

第一天。。。
座了两个小时干什么都没有
经历说她带回人会给我一些事，说一窝现在要好好的习惯在办公室。。。

真的很安静的办公室俄。
你这听到键盘的声音。
在外面也没有很多人过来过去。

人家说第一天是最可怕的天。可是到现在我觉得没有那么可怕。
有一个同学也是同事说没有真么南的工作，反正我愿意学习，我一定什么工作都做完。

YEAY。。。
现在怎么样呢? jiayou！！！

Bend Like a Lion

I have a classmate named Deny in my very first grade of Junior High School. I saw him on his very first day of school. I saw him everyday. He saw me in a glance when he introduced himself in front of class. Deny would never look at me anymore after that such-and-such a percent second of glance. I told you this, I knew and know him even before his name was going out from his own mouth. Everything's going wrong. I do not know why.

A week of Deny's first semester has passed already. He still did not pay any attention to me, his silent watcher. There was no me in every action of him. Instead of me, Ryshaka and Parjo were his clique. Day by day, they wore or used a similar thing. Monday was their day for musk perfume while purple headbands were their things in Friday. A moment I tried to be his 'vague' clique but got only zero attention. I do not know why.

Once Ryshaka told me that Deny was spiritedly joining a lion dance (lion dance in Chinese: wûshī) training. I nodded without any exciting responses. I knew and know it. Deny dreamed to be a professional lion dancer. Unfortunately, he was not supported by his father so that he went to his trainee by lying. Time by time, finally he was selected to be one of the dancers which would be performing in one important event. He prepared himself really well for his first performance. I tried to help Deny when he needed someone to take his costume. He rejected me but asked for somebody else. I do not know why.

lion dance

As the years went by, Deny trained himself well. In result, he became a significant part of his team's lion dance. Each of his classmates would praise him whenever Deny's name was popped out. Even, Ryshaka and Parjo were not his clique since Deny was the school's rising star. I hoped the readers dare not even imagine me as his adherent. He would never recognize me that much. I do not know why.

In one bad day, something bad happened to Deny. His father, Mr. Asiong, knew that his son secretly became a lion dancer. Deny was never allowed to do that kind of thing since the very first time he asked Mr. Asiong permission. His -you can say- fierce father fiercely ordered Deny to leave his dream as lion dancer. Deny's costumes and all his supporting property was burned in one moment. The only thing that Deny could do was only accepted Mr. Asiong's decision. Deny was in his painful condition. I thought I do know why.

"Deny, you are seriously done." That was Mr. Asiong's last statement which almost made Deny give up. A little bit more, precisely. It was 0,01 cm left to his weakest point. The greatest dream to be a professional lion dancer which he has dreamed since years (year and years) ago. The training of him which he has been through in so many years. Four years, precisely. It was a little bit more to reach his greatest peak. I swear it to you, readers. All of his efforts were bringing him up before that statement. The statement of Mr. Asiong, his father. In the other hand, Deny told me this problem which is caused by Mr. Asiong. Once again, he told me for no exact reason. I do not know why.\

Before Deny told me his confusion, I knew it already. He was confused by the options of his father. Would he choose to be with family? Would he choose to keep on his dream to be a professional lion dancer? His team's lion dance refused to give any comments toward his problem as long as he still wants to be a part of the team. Then, he rejected me once but asked my opinion since he knew me as his silent watcher. I do not know why.

After we got a -maybe- long conversation about him, Deny finally wanted to take a brave decision. When all of his dance's property was burned by his father, Deny planned an almost perfect plan to be runaway. He decided not to be depended on his parents. His team of lion dance accepted him to stay for a while in their base camp until Deny could live by himself. I told you this, Deny finally become the leader of SLBD, one of the famous lion dance in Belinyu. He deserved it after struggling by himself for a pretty long time. Of course, I know why.

Finally, I tell you that the story of Deny is finished. What is my point of telling his story? Let me get you a small introduction. Deny is me. Yes, I am Deny. Every part of Deny which you have read previously is not real. The real Deny is only a dreamer who dreams of himself to be somebody else. So, this is a story from me, a deaf-mute person who wants to tell and retell inspiring stories for you, my readers.

Do My Part

Responsibility.. Tanggungjawab.. seseorang mengatakan pada saya bahwa itu berarti harus cepat tanggap untuk apa yg sudah menjadi bagianmu.

sepertinya mudah-mudah saja.. namun kenyataan berkata lain.. untuk menjadi seseorang yang bertanggungjawab sangatlah berat. Di mana keadaan menuntut saya cepat tanggap dan di sisi lain saya merasa bagian saya bukanlah disitu.

do your part, do my part.. apa sih artinya?
melakukan bagianku ? apa maksudnya...?

terkadang terlalu sulit dimengerti dan diaplikasikan dalam kehidupan..
bertanggungjawab terhadap tugas, pekerjaan, konsekuensi, bahkan bertanggungjawab terhadap pilihan yang pernah kita pilih.

kenapa sih responsibility itu susah?
setiap orang seharusnya bisa dengan cepat tanggap terhadap bagian masing-masing. namun kadar dari rasa tanggung jawab masih terlalu rendah..and it does not depend on someone's age. karena terkadang seseorang yang sudah mature dalam umur namun kurang bisa menjalankan tanggungjawabnya..

ntahlah... Bertanggung jawab... cepat tanggap.. responsibility.. do my own part..
i am still learning how to be.
bisa, semua orang bisa kok bertanggungjawab dengan bagian masing-masing..
yeah, pasti bisa...

saved. but, don't

A name appears, the memories come.
Sweet past and the laughter they shared never disappear.
Tell her the way out!
Number's saved. but don't call.
Strong memories. she couldn't help but feeling blue.
Deep remembrance. Yuck, mission aborted.
Tell her the way out!
She's stuck in memories.
No way out. no bravery. no will.
Stronger and deeper, help her!
everything's saved. but DON'T!

Unity in Diversity

What comes to your mind when you find the word “diversity”? Basically, it’s about difference. We maybe think differently from people with the different social condition. The looks of us are also different. Substantially, everything’s different in so many ways. That’s diversity.

Have you ever seen people from different background live together peacefully? You might have but it’s difficult to see that kind of thing nowadays. There are not many of people who live in diversity could accept the difference itself. It is too bad that this phenomenon does happen. A lot of people think that their colors are the best without considering that every color has its own uniqueness and its own beauty.

Diversity is definitely not a simple matter when it is related to the earth. What does it mean? Well, the surface of our lovely earth is around 500 hundred million km2. It is really big, right? There are a lot of people in this big planet, all are in different colors. We all come from different colors, different background.

We can see the colors everywhere. The important thing is the beauty. Even the traffic lights are beautiful. It is because traffic lights have not only one color. Try to imagine the light is red. It has no function anymore. In fact, everything in the world is made with a function. Indeed we are all with a function, but in different colors. How if one element of the colors doesn’t take part of the duty? The function is broken. It will be great to see all the colors do each of its function in teamwork. That’s really beautiful. Just like the rainbow.

However, we are different but we live the same world. We breathe the same air. We are exposed by the same sunlight. We are underneath the same moon and stars. We indeed different, but we are one.

“It’s all in the way you look at it, that makes you strong. We were two, now are one.” –Westlife

stay alone

I often got silent in front of my laptop and thought of some random topics.There are a lot of things I want to write. But yeah, I rarely can pour them into words in my blog...

Well....
What I am thinking about now.... Lonely vs alone

I suddenly remembered a literary work that was discussed in a class last 2 semester. It was the first work that we discussed.

Reward of Living a Solitude Life

by May Sarton

Obviously, the only thing that"ngendep" in my mind is about the different of lonely and alone.

Have you ever felt like "empty" when you are in a crowded?

Or,  physically only by yourself? (well, sorry of my keribetan. I just got it difficult to be expressed  :D)

Make it simple, okay.

You are lonely. Situation : in a crowded.

You are alone. Situation  : yeah, alone. No one is near by.

My conclusion, tho.

Well, I googled the definition of lonely and alone. They seem the same but they don't.

What I am feeling now is lonely.
Just like no one knows me well. Understands me.
Sometimes I just want people to know what I know without me telling them.
it's not fair that I am being disappointed that they didn't do what I want them to do.

so, How?
so I am lonely. I am just all alone by myself. no one wants me. i feel like "dikucilkan".
yeah not only alone, but lonely.
I am sitting in my bedroom in front of my computer just trying to do things that would make me happy.  nothing but share this kind of feeling. I don't believe people. but by writing this, it just feels like I shared. maybe no one will read this. but I read this. I read my blog over and over.
no one hears me. no one listens. they are only busy with their own business. who am I?
who am I to be such selfish to have people by my side.

what do I do when I am all alone and lonely?
Crying. cry. yeah. shed my tears.
i don't know why, I just feel beautiful when I am crying. ahahaha what a thought.

I want to have someone who knows what I want.
that person doesn't need to ask me.
but, how come that kind of person exists?
no one can read someone's mind, right?
what kind of wish that I have? lol

i found a thought.
happiness will be meaningful if it's shared. sadness will be decreased when it's shared.
what the hell with that!
people will stay by your side when you are happy, but no meaning still.
when there is sadness? well........ what's on earth it''ll be decreased.
no such things.
no such things.

well. enjoy your loneliness.
and stay alone :D

A thought,

Tiara

18-04-2016, 0.45 pm

mood.

sekarang.. aku ingin begini
5 mneit kemudian, aku ingin begitu.
5 menit yang lalu, aku ingin begono
besok, aku gak ingin gimana-gimana


Karepe opo toh, mbakyuuu??
today's decision is different either with yesterday's or even tomorrow's.
I don't even understand what I actually want for myself.

she asked me. he asked me. they asked me. you asked me.
I asked myself. I don't know.
I don't have the answer.
I can't find the answer, though.

it's hard to find the right time for me.
there will always be the wrong things for me.
I always feel that I am the right one.

kudu piye...?

a thought.